Let’s talk when clients resist the positive adaptive shift, or resist an interweave, because, “that’s not what really happened.” Let’s be clear: EMDR does not rewrite history. EMDR does makes sure your history doesn’t dictate your future. We know the AIP is breaking down when past is present. What do we mean by past is present? That’s when past distressers are disrupting your present and dictating your future. There are countless examples that explain this.
Let’s say a client comes to you and says this: I’m having trouble presenting my projects at work. I was never good at public speaking. I remember one time when I was in 5th grade and presenting a book report. A classmate asked a question that I didn’t know the answer to and some of my classmates started to giggle because I froze. The teacher gave me A-, but I still feel clammy when I think of those giggles. I don’t think I’ll ever convince my boss to choose my ideas because I’m so bad at public speaking.
Ooff. This poor fictitious human being. Although, is this character’s story really that fictional? The cool thing about EMDR is that the client doesn’t even have to be explicitly aware that their fear of public speaking began in grade school. All they know is they clam up when they need to give work presentations, and they believe their future is doomed. That in itself is a target and will more than likely link to something. Even if we don’t link (or float back) to a past memory we can still help this individual to know they can handle it with future presentations. With EMDR being a three prong approach, past, present, and future, we can help our clients in all areas of their life and we can start anywhere.
Let’s dive in a little further to clients who counter, “but that’s not what really happened.” There was a client working on a traumatic memory: a car accident. While going through this accident the client believed they were going to die. They survived, but were still haunted by this event. They proceeded with EMDR. They had a positive adaptive shift to, “I survived,” but when it came time to install the positive they resisted stating, “But when I was in the car accident I wasn’t thinking, ‘I survived,’ I was thinking I was going to die.”
We have to remind the client that we are not rewriting history. We are helping them move to the fact that they did, indeed, survive instead of staying stuck in the traumatic memory. The reason this was an EMDR target is because past was present. They kept thinking they were going to die; especially whenever they got back into a car. EMDR honors the traumatic experience that was had while also completing the processing-which is that they survived. They are no longer stuck in that moment of imminent death. It’s okay to challenge the client on this. It’s also okay to change the positive cognition. Maybe “I survived,” isn’t the true positive belief, but “I’m okay now,” is more acceptable. Sometimes quick cognitive interweaves help connect, or weave, that information together. For example:
Therapist: Okay, now let’s pair that original image from the car accident, but this time with the positive thought, “I survived.”
Client: But that’s not what really happened.
Therapist: But you’re okay now though, right?
Client: Well, yeah.
Therapist: Okay, go with that.
And then you can resume DAS/BLS.
Let’s discuss another example, but with an interweave and a client experiencing grief. Let’s say the client is looping saying, “I wish I could just talk to them one more time,” and you ask if they can imagine themselves having that conversation, but the client counters, “I see what you’re doing, but that didn’t really happen.” What do you do? Maybe something like this:
Therapist: I understand it’s hard, and I’m not trying to rewrite history. EMDR can’t do that. Maybe instead of imagining a conversation with them, you could just think of all things you would have liked to say? You can take as long as you want. I won’t interrupt you. I’m here to help if you get stuck, and I’ll hold a safe place for you.
EMDR is a person-centered therapy. We follow the client and meet them where they are. We can help our clients give voice to those seemingly little things, but make a world of a difference when treated like they matter. We can help them through through feeling stuck in the traumatic memory and accept a free future.
