I like to let my clients know they have the freedom to interrupt me. As therapists, we have to be very mindful of undue influence. I’ve found the best way to handle that is by addressing it head-on. I acknowledge that I’m not going to tell clients exactly how to live their lives.
I’ve lost a few clients because of that, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to be another person, or replace a person, who just dictates their lives. I refrain from offering opinions, especially subjective ones, because the client is the expert on their own life.
I constantly remind clients that I only have glimpses through the windows they show me. Perception is a common topic in my therapy room: the things we know, the things we don’t, the things we could find out, and the things we’ll probably never know. Weighing that information helps us make informed decisions. I make it clear that I don’t always know the best decision, but we can list and assess options together. I welcome clients to disagree with me. I challenge them to weigh their options and make choices based on what they think is best, even if they believe I’ll disagree. I want them to see they have choices.
EMDR is done in silence so the client has space to process, and so does the clinician. It gives us time to wait, watch, and listen. I prepare my clients by telling them ahead of time that I will interrupt them, and why. I often bring humor into it, saying that as a therapist I want to hear every detail, but their processing isn’t about me. It’s about their healing and what they need.
They don’t need to worry about me. That time is for them. Whatever they need to do, cry, yell, put their feet on my couch, pace, or sit in silence; healing looks exactly how they need it to look. And I’m certainly not going to get in the way by having them tell me every single detail.
Of course, I’m not rude when I interrupt. I use a gentle tone, and my body language sends appropriate nonverbal cues. I want to increase their overall autonomy. I want them to get to the point where they don’t need me. The healing power comes from within them, not from whatever I have to say. So the kindest thing I can do, especially during Phase 4, is to interrupt them and guide them back to reprocessing.
The interruption goes both ways. If I pause and they’re in the middle of noticing something, they can tell me to turn BLS back on. If they disagree with me, I encourage them to say so. There is no room for ego here. I don’t pretend to have all the answers and will always defer to their expertise on their own life. As therapists, we should both get and give permission.
If preparation still doesn’t prevent the client from talking during BLS, I might suggest trying something new:
“This time when we reprocess, I just want you to say one sentence about what you’re noticing. If it starts to become a run-on, I’ll turn BLS back on, and you’ll know to go with all of that. Let’s see how that goes.”
Sometimes clients respond with, “I don’t like that I can’t say what I want when I want.” I give them permission to do so, and then, more often than not, they say nothing.
EMDR flows at the speed of thought, not speech. Sometimes the kindest thing we do is interrupt so their brain can keep working.
It’s a fine line to walk between being person-centered and also owning your therapist chair. During Phases 3, 7, and 8, I remind clients that I just need a quick snapshot of what they’re noticing in that moment. I assure them we can talk about it once the reprocessing is complete.
I remind clients that I’m going to interrupt them, not because I don’t care, but because I’m trying to keep them in flow. The healing power doesn’t come from my voice. It’s within them.And sometimes, it’s also healing for clients to talk during BLS, especially if they’ve been silenced in the past. That’s why I try to be kind and patient with redirections. I want them to know they do have a voice with me, and I’m helping them learn to use that voice outside the therapy room, too.