I was watching an episode of Malcolm in the Middle: Season 6 Episode 12, “Living Will.” The father, Hal, was given power of attorney by a neighbor and he had to decide if his neighbor should remain on life support or not. Being a comedic show Hal went through quite the experience in order to make a decision; often finding himself pinned between two individuals with opposing views. His wife, Lois, asked Hal why he has such difficulties making decisions. We then see a flashback (Timestamp 1:33 on Disney+) of Hal when he was a child and his mother told him he had to decide between a petting zoo and a clown for his birthday party. Young Hal asked for both and then we watch a scene of a snake choking the clown at his birthday party. Hal responds to Lois’ question saying, “Who knows? Probably no reason. You may as well ask me why I’m afraid clowns or snakes” (Timestamp 1:47 on Disney+). It would seem Hal completely blocked the memory of his childhood birthday party.
This whole scene got a chuckle out of me, but also got me thinking how EMDR would be very appropriate. We know EMDR can help make implicit memory fragments explicit. There are all sorts of reasons why this can occur from defense mechanisms, to brain development, and to simply forgetting. An individual may disassociate to help them survive a traumatic experience, a child may think something is their fault because their brain development is maturing and they don’t have a way to think otherwise yet, and it’s hard to remember every detail of experiences: especially if something specifically stands out.
I have helped clients target all sorts of things with EMDR: hair, doing homework, indecisiveness, ice cubes, bugs, cilantro, a blue wall, catch phrases, and more. I always let me clients know weird is safe here. Weird is welcomed here. Go with the weird when you’re doing EMDR.
Sometimes, I find some clinicians have difficulty recognizing how the AIP system is breaking down with seemingly harmless targets. I was helping EMDR Educators with a training a while ago. Dr. Dobo, the trainer, was explaining EMD and how it can be used to soften an image. A group of students perked up, and shared an experience they had during breakfast that very morning. One student began peeling an orange. Another student was immediately very agitated and demanded the student put her orange away, saying, “I don’t know why, but I can’t stand oranges. I don’t even want to look at them because they make me so mad.” Another student inquired, “Oranges make you mad?” Strange. So, this group of students asked if the image of an orange would be appropriate for EMD. Dr. Dobo very gently said, “It could. But it seems like it’d be better as a target for EMDR reprocessing, because that is a very strong response to an orange. Past seems present…..because it’s an orange. How is an orange offensive?” The student agreed and later in the practicum portion of the training targeted oranges. She was able to begin with the image that morning with the negative cognition, “I can’t handle it.” It linked back to a time when she played soccer and was being bullied. When she told her coach about it his response was, “Here. Have an orange.” And nothing was ever done about it. She was able to reprocess and shifted to Phase 5. She then found an orange, peeled it, and began eating it. She sent her mother a video of her eating an orange and her mother was absolutely amazed. Apparently, her whole family knew she couldn’t stand oranges, but just accepted it as a quirk.
Sharing this story is important because it helps other clients to hear strange things, or quirks, and ask curious questions to see if they are a target. Another student who was at that training with the orange then had an experience with a client at her practice weeks later. A client said hamburgers creep him out. Initially the therapist thought, ‘okay, then just don’t eat hamburgers’. But then remembered the orange story from the training. After asking some questions they set-up the protocol: target image was hamburgers and the negative cognition was, “There’s something wrong with me.” Turns out hamburgers were linked to a traumatic event from childhood. The client was able to shift, achieving Phase 5, and was able to choose whether or not to eat hamburgers and not feel like something was wrong with him.
So, what are the questions to ask? Well, being curious, not judgmental, is definitely the place to start. “That’s curious! You only have popcorn ice cubes, or whiskey stone ice cubes in your house? You never have regular sized? Tell me more about that.” As the client shares more you can ask more curious questions. The client may even begin to state some negative cognitions, “Yeah I feel weird about it. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who does this. Ah it’s just quirky. I don’t like to talk about it.” Sometimes, the client is completely unaware, “Yeah I had no idea I did that until someone pointed it out to me.” Ask them to notice any emotions or body sensations when they imagine it. “Whenever I think about it makes me sweaty. I’ve just never been able to really talk about it. I just shut down.” Then, you can ask Shapiro’s magical question, “What does this say about you?” And there’s how you can find the negative cognition. (EMDR Therapy, 3rd Edition, pages 125-127.)
Shapiro’s magic question is what I would have asked Hal. “What do you think being indecisive says about you?” I can’t handle it. I’m stupid. There’s something wrong with me. I can never make decisions? I’m not good enough? All of these are fine negative cognitions, and the image can simply be picturing himself unable to make a decision.
Don’t ignore the seemingly little stuff. As EMDR clinicians we are constantly listening for when past is present. Or when future is doomed because of the present or the past. Simply put: we are listening for the complaint. What is the thing that is bothering your client? What is the negative belief they have about themselves? You can target anything with EMDR as long as you know what this says about them.
